I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
