who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
