im drinking this country out of the recession.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
