He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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