Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
