I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
