it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
