So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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