i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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