I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
there is glitter all over my balls
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
