Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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