no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
