I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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