hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
