I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
