You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
40s are totally the cure
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
