Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
