I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
