Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
