you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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