I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
