I'm really into asian looking animals
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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