It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
