shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
