So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Maybe he injected his testicle?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
