We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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