matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
