Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
