shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Randomize
