So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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