He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
