Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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