turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
