Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
