Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
