it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize