Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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