You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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