She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
