I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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