Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we have pet lesbian snakes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
