I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
