thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
