Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
