dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
