dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
