I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize