A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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