Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
