Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
