Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no more duck duck goose at the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
