Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
