the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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