God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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