I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
