Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
