As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
