fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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