I want to stick my p in your. b.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
