fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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