I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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