Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
