if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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