You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize