Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
