just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
