She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
